Heartbroken

Another late Monday night at work. My weekend was sweet. And bitter. Friday evening, I worked late, and got a call from Mom while I was starting my car. Bad news. I told her I was almost home; she told me Granddad's diagnosis. A month to live.

Saturday, I spent most of the day at home.

M was, as he always is, strong and quiet. I was, as I always am, unpredictable.

But he pulled me off of the couch towards the end of the day, and took me to Ann Taylor Loft and Taco Fiesta and Whole Foods, placing me back in the world in some of my favorite places. We went home and watched part of The New World but agreed it was trying too hard for poignancy and packaged it back up in its little red Netflix envelope. At least I finished my shawl.

Sunday morning we did the usual Panera breakfast. I treated myself to a pineapple upside down mini bundt and forgot to charge my Panera card. I also spend the majority of breakfast and the ride to mom's with my nose pressed in The Glass Castle, which I had started right around the time M was putting on his coat.

Mom's house was, of course, empty when we arrived... they were all across the street and Grandma's. So we went over there, and piled in the living room along with Aunt S and Uncle B and Aunt C and Uncle J and Mom and B and G and Grandma. And Granddad.

He looked good. He looked as fit and healthy as an 84-year-old man could hope to be. And he was, of course, in good humor. We all were... thank heavens I had missed the tearful day before. We visited for a while then filed out when it was declared time for Granddad's nap. His hugs felt the same as they always had, though his usual notification to M that he had better take care of me felt more imperative than it had before. To me and M, anyway.

Then, back to mom's where I threw the football with B for a while, and talked for a while, and read for a while. We had some leftovers from yesterday's visitors and M had his turn throwing the ball around. I left with Chanson en Crochet in tote (I'll post a picture soon) and my book nearly done.

We visited the S children for not quite an hour, then I tried reading by the map light of M's car down the bumpy city roads, and read at home while eating a sandwich and then was tossed in a warm tub with my book. I finished it in pjs, on the couch.

So another long day at work today, and one scheduled for tomorrow. Wednesday shouldn't be too bad. I'm getting through my days, heartbroken and healing at the same time.