Evelyn's First Day at Daycare (I Didn't Cry)

Today was Evelyn's first day at her daycare. I didn't cry when she woke up early (since we did just "fall back") and I nursed her. I didn't cry when my alarm went off an hour later. I didn't cry when I got ready for work, or when she slept through my changing her diaper, dressing her, and putting her in her carseat. I didn't cry on the drive to her daycare.

Matt and I got there and dropped Evelyn off in her room. I put her milk in the fridge and noted her last feeding, nap, and diaper change. I kissed her goodbye. Several times. I didn't cry. (Though Matt and I both were a little pink-cheeked.)

Matt and I went to Starbucks afterwards, to put something warm in our bellies and to fuel my for my first day back at work. I couldn't believe I didn't cry.

I got to work early and settled in and received well-wishes from my co-workers. I pumped in the bathroom at around 10:00. I thought of my baby, of every fat little roll, and it made me smile.

I went to lunch with two of my co-workers, and called the daycare afterwards. I could hear Evelyn crying in the background. She was hungry and the "teacher" felt it was too soon after her last bottle to feed her. I think Evelyn may have wanted to be held. I was sad to hear her crying, sad that she wasn't being soothed that very moment. I wanted to race to her. But I didn't cry.

Matt left work around 4:00 to get her, and got her some 90 minutes later, right about the time I started itching to go home. I left right around 6:00. Traffic was light, but I was frustrated by every car in my way.

When I got home, Evelyn was sleeping in her daddy's arms. It was the sweetest sight. He gave her to me, and I held her for the next two hours, while Matt made a frozen pizza, while we ate, while he washed the dishes. I kissed her sweet little shoulders and hands and face, over and over and over again.

Then I realized that Evelyn was sleeping when I dropped her off this morning, and was sleeping the entire evening after I got home, and that if this went on every day, she may very well not lay eyes on me until the weekends. It would be like her mommy suddenly disappeared from her life. And that thought finally made me cry.